The Guide

Aaaah, what have you done? You’re a mess. What were you thinking?

In three days’ time I will come for you.

Come now, we’re going on a trip. It will be your nightly ritual. You recall deliberately stepping off the curb into the path of that oncoming truck? There is the driver. As you can see he’s a big man. He cries like a baby, though, as his wife holds his hand. He won’t drive a rig anymore; he quit the day he hit you. In the morning he should try to find another job, but instead he will visit your grave again and tell you again how sorry he is. As if you could hear him.

Come, we must visit your sister. The girl is filled with self-loathing and convinced your actions were her fault. She regrets being mean to you in younger days. She thinks you wouldn’t have done what you did, if only she’d been nicer to you. I know it wasn’t her fault. You know it wasn’t her fault. But she blames herself and we can’t change her thinking.

Let’s go see to your brother. He’s asleep now, but look at him, tossing and turning. He’s dreaming. He’s about to picture you going under the truck and will wake up screaming. He does that every night, poor fellow.

We’re going to your parents next. They sometimes blame each other. Other times they wonder where they went wrong and ask each other why you did it. Come; come along.

In the morning your father will wake up and get dressed. He’ll walk to the bridge and stand there all day long, thinking of you. You will be there as well, all day long, watching him, as the cars go by.

I hope he doesn’t decide to step off the curb.

So should you.